/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/24838389/Screenshot_2023_08_08_152754.png "Indecent Exposure Bug Addressed in Patch for Baldur’s Gate 3")
I love it when games give you the ability to choose your genitals. Not because of the glaringly obvious horny reasons but because, when games give you the ability to customize The Goods, it almost always leads to patch notes like the one we got in the latest Baldur’s Gate 3 hotfix.
Warning, this will be slightly Not Safe For Work
By Larian Studios’ count, the hotfix addresses over 300 bugs and issues, including one it put right at the top of the “Gameplay” section, letting you know this particular issue was at the tip top of developers’ minds. The hotfix reads:
“Penises C and D no longer clip through some githyanki clothing.”
Well, thank Tyr! I mean, really, how am I supposed to get anything done around Faerûn if penises C and D keep clipping through my bespoke githyanki apparel. Oh, you haven’t seen bespoke githyanki apparel? Here’s some, courtesy of Lae’zel.
Penises in video games are great because they are always clipping through something. A couple of years ago, Cyberpunk 2077 hadn’t gotten good yet, but everyone was still talking about it because it was essentially “Dick’s Out: The Game.” Conan Exiles became infamous for its genital options because not only did the game let you choose the size of your breasts or penis but it also applied its physics engine to your genitals, so whenever your character model flopped around with its ragdoll physics, guess what else was flopping around?
The patch, which also gives gnomes the ability to wear underwear again, should be available now, so be sure to turn on game updates.
Funny as this all is, though, I do actually have one serious thing to say about genital options in Baldur’s Gate 3: they don’t go far enough. With penises, there’s only circumcised or uncircumcised, with pubic hair or without, while the only vulva options are grass or bare pavement, if you catch my meaning.