Look, sometimes we desire more sexual activity, but it doesn’t always seem possible. This is a common experience for many people at certain points in their lives, so if you’re going through it, don’t worry. Libido is a complex beast, influenced by physiological, biological, and social factors. Increasing your sex drive can be equally complex, but we will persist!
First, it’s important to understand that physical arousal, libido, and desire are related but not the same. Desire is our interest in sexual activity, while sexual arousal is the physiological state of being sexually aroused. Libido refers to horniness.
Libido is influenced by psychological, emotional, and relational elements, as well as our unique experiences and cultural contexts. Many factors can affect our experience of desire, including life circumstances, stress levels, and more. Understanding how libido works and identifying the specific contexts in which your desire can emerge is crucial to increasing it.
It’s worth mentioning that “horniness” is not always the sole reason for seeking sex, and it’s not the only valid reason either. We may desire sex to feel closer to our partner, maintain intimacy, or experience the release of orgasm after a stressful day. These are all valid motivations for wanting sex.
Now, let’s discuss how we can set the stage for increased libido and a more fulfilling sex life.
First, it’s essential to understand that “sex drive” is a misnomer. Sex is not an innate human “need” like oxygen or food. While it may sometimes feel like we will perish without it, that’s not the case. Our libido and desire for sex are rooted in a reward system. We seek sex for the rewards it provides, such as closeness to a partner or orgasm.
Before we delve into ways to boost your sexual desire, let’s discuss some factors that can negatively impact libido:
1. Incorrect messages about sex: Society often promotes sexist and heteronormative views about sex that can hinder our ability to enjoy and desire it.
2. Pressure from partners: Feeling pressured into sex can quickly diminish desire, especially if you’re made to feel inadequate for not meeting your partner’s expectations.
3. Lack of sexual communication: Inability to communicate about sex and ask for what we want can lead to decreased desire.
4. Relationship issues: Conflict and stress within a relationship can adversely affect libido.
5. Not understanding your sexual preferences: When we don’t know what we like or want in bed, it becomes difficult to have fulfilling sexual experiences.
6. Multidimensional stress: Stress from various aspects of life can lower desire by occupying our psychological bandwidth.
7. Hormonal changes and medications: Hormonal fluctuations, especially during menopause, and certain medications can impact libido.
Now, let’s explore some expert-approved ways to increase your libido:
1. Accept that your libido doesn’t need to be your sole motivation for having sex. It’s okay to explore other reasons for engaging in sexual activity, such as intimacy or stress relief.
2. Let go of harmful messages about sexuality, desire, and libido. Challenge negative beliefs and embrace curiosity about your own interests. Consider journaling, following sex-positive accounts, reading sex-positive books, or seeking therapy.
3. Learn about your own pleasure. Understand what brings you pleasure and how you like to be touched. This knowledge will help you communicate your desires to a partner.
Remember, increasing libido requires more than just getting enough sleep or exercising regularly. It involves addressing deeper issues and exploring your own desires and preferences.