Age 16-25
Don’t stress if your first time isn’t perfect. Instead of thinking of sex as one singular “first time,” consider all the different first experiences you might have, such as oral sex, penetrative sex, using hands, or using toys. Even if you try all of these things with one person, there will still be new firsts to explore with a different partner. Communication is key at any age when it comes to sex. Clearly expressing your desires and preferences may not be easy, but as you get older and more confident, you’ll realize that sex improves with better communication. Feeling ready for sex involves more than just a feeling. It also includes practical and emotional considerations. Are you excited or anxious about the idea? Do you know enough about contraception, STIs, and consent? Do you have access to support if something goes wrong? Do you feel the need to drink alcohol to feel confident enough for sex? Is there a safe place for you to engage in sexual activities? Safety, comfort, and wellbeing are crucial factors to consider. Remember that sex is something that happens with you, not to you. Speak up and communicate what you want, and encourage your partners to do the same. It’s helpful to think about what you want before engaging in sexual activities. Reflect on your boundaries regarding touch, communication, and time. Consider if the relationships or sex you see in media are what you want for yourself. Remember that sex happens with you, not to you, so don’t be afraid to voice your desires and encourage your partners to do the same. Avoid consuming content that makes you feel worse about your body. Before watching or reading something, ask yourself if it will make you feel better or worse about yourself. If the answer is worse, avoid those things. This is especially important when it comes to porn, as it can normalize sexual violence and exploitation, negatively impacting mental health and healthy sexual relationships. You have the right to change your mind. Don’t feel pressured to do something sexually that you’re not comfortable with. You can always say no or change your mind even if you initially said yes.
Age 25-35
It’s beneficial to enjoy feeling aroused together even on non-sexual days. Simmering is a term used in sex therapy to describe this. It involves quick, intimate bodily contact with your partner while fully clothed, just enough to generate excitement. Penetrative sex and simultaneous orgasm are not the gold standards of sexual excellence. These cultural beliefs are being refuted by science and open conversation. Do what works for you instead of adhering to societal expectations. It’s essential to create the right conditions for sex. Context matters, and if you’re feeling relaxed, loved, and fully present, you’re likely to have better sex. It’s not about specific acts or body parts; it’s about sharing sensations within a context of trust and connection. You don’t have to have sex at all. Gen Z is having less sex, reflecting a more self-aware approach in a hypersexual society. Think about what you truly want from sex and be honest about it. It might be intimacy, community, or distraction. Commitment and monogamy can be exciting. Feeling psychologically seen and trusting your partner is where good sex starts. It allows you to take risks and make commitment and monogamy thrilling.
Age 35-45
Sex may drop lower on your list of priorities during periods of stress or major life changes like having a new baby or caring for an elderly parent. Don’t panic about it; it’s a phase you’ll pass through and return to normal later on. Have a six-second kiss or a 20-second hug to activate the hormone of emotional bonding, oxytocin. Make sex a priority by scheduling romantic dates at least four times a year. Don’t try to guess what your partner will enjoy. Instead, be honest about what works for you and have open communication. Remember that sexual pleasure varies among individuals, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Masturbation can be a great way to explore your body and fantasies at any age. Take time to create your own storyline and discover what turns you on. You can also explore ethical erotic content in various formats, such as audio, visual, or written, making sure to support performers and creators fairly.