“There is a certain expectation that revolves around accommodating children, rather than having children adapt to the world,” says Stephen “Boydie” Boyd, the 49-year-old owner-manager of the Alma, a pub in Crystal Palace, south London, that has a minimum age requirement of 10 for admission. On a summer afternoon, the majority of the patrons seem to be young adults, parents in their 50s, and some teenagers with Generation X parents. This observation by Boyd strikes me as true on a cultural level beyond just the pub: the issue with children isn’t the children themselves; it’s the parents. Or more specifically, it’s how some parents behave when their children are under 10, feeling that the responsibility of keeping them content falls heavily on everyone’s shoulders.
Martin Bridge, the 52-year-old owner of the Whippet Inn, a child-free restaurant in York, shares a similar sentiment: “Having been in the industry for over 30 years – and also being out in public places – it’s mind-blowing to see how parents perceive the responsibility of their children, and how that has changed. It feels like children are now the responsibility of everyone, all the time.”
Boyd adds, “None of the requests are particularly outrageous, but the sheer quantity…” Apple juice diluted with water, babyccinos, heat this up but not too much, remove the mushrooms, onions, salt, and pepper. Then there’s the glaring at people who swear, vape, or exhibit any other signs of being an adult in a pub.
For me, the epitome of parental entitlement occurred 10 years ago in an online comment beneath a restaurant review by food critic Marina O’Loughlin. The aggrieved mother wrote, “The busier it got, the more the staff seemed to get annoyed with my child being there … refusing to keep an eye on him for only two minutes while we went outside for a cigarette. My son was getting agitated, crying, etc. so I began to breastfeed him. The manageress came back with our brandies and just looked at me, disgusted … This basically turned into a heated argument between me and this woman who is obviously jealous for some reason … The food is nice but the misogyny is another story altogether.”
When it comes to the question of children in society, there is no consensus regarding what parents can or should expect from others. While it is widely agreed that landlords cannot ban children in rental agreements, a recent BBC investigation revealed that almost a quarter of ads on OpenRent explicitly do so. This is likely a violation of the Equality Act, but tenants may never know the reason for their application being rejected. Conversely, it is generally understood that it is not a waiter’s duty to look after a baby while the parents step outside for a smoke. Between these two extremes lies a wide spectrum, and wherever parents fall on it, they are likely to staunchly defend their position.
The Whippet Inn has remained child-free since its opening 10 years ago. Bridge recalls the initial response, “We received so many negative reviews that it was unbelievable. People were screaming and shouting at us in the restaurant. It was quite daunting, especially for some of the staff. New parents were the worst.” He sensed that it wasn’t solely about the restaurant itself; it had become a symbol to these parents of how their lives had changed and how their freedom and agency had been restricted. Although I am paraphrasing, as Bridge chooses his words carefully, new parents can be intimidating.
As a child, it was common for children to be prohibited from entering pubs. I remember my dad walking my sister and me what felt like a long distance (although it was probably only three miles) through heavy snow to a pub, where we had to sit outside for hours with a lemonade and a bag of salt-and-vinegar crisps. I thought maybe it was just my dad, but Bridge shared the exact same memory, even down to the flavor of crisps. He says, “We used to be left in the car with the window down and a packet of salt-and-vinegar crisps. Our parents would check on us through the window to make sure we were okay.” This wasn’t entirely neglectful parenting – it was actually against the law to allow children under the age of 14 into pubs in England and Wales until 1995. When that law changed, despite significant moral opposition, it wasn’t approached as a matter of parental rights but rather with the idea of being more similar to mainland Europe.
However, by the 21st century, the trend had reversed, with it becoming unusual for a pub not to have a children’s menu. By 2010, when my children were three and one, pubs were even incorporating play areas to keep the little ones occupied. There would always be one annoyed parent in each group, supervising chaos with an impending hangover amidst a room full of building blocks and markers without lids.
Recently, however, some parts of the world have had enough. South Korea, for example, has implemented 451 child-free zones, scattered throughout places like Seoul, Busan, and Jeju island. These zones gained popularity after an incident where a mother complained that her child had been scalded by a waitress carrying hot soup. In response, the restaurant released CCTV footage showing the child behaving disruptively, resulting in a court ruling in 2013 that deemed the child partially responsible.
This event sparked a new battle that led to campaigns, proclamations, and even laws being passed (Jeju is working on a ban against banning children). In 2017, the National Human Rights Commission of Korea declared that children’s rights should be respected and given priority over business owners’ freedom to operate, but the impact was minimal.
South Korea has one of the lowest birthrates globally, but the reason for this remains unclear. Is it because people don’t want to have children if they can’t bring them to burger joints? Or has the scarcity of babies made people less tolerant of them in public? Emilie Cole, spokesperson for the child-free Fistral Beach Hotel in Newquay, believes, “In the end, you know what you’re getting: adults are adults, and all children are different.” Were restaurants more accepting of differences in the past, or were parents better at suppressing them?
While such establishments that ban children are not numerous in other countries, they do generate intense and exaggerated debates. Is it a regressive act that belittles mothers and confines them to domesticity? What is wrong with a society that can’t handle its own young? What does the future hold? The key question behind this ongoing argument is likely: who is being selfish and antisocial? Is it the parents of young children, who expect the world to accommodate their every need, or is it everyone else who does not want to bend? We all have antisocial moments, but most of us are not perpetually so. It depends on the quality of sleep we’ve had.
Boyd initially implemented an under-18 ban when the Alma reopened post-Covid and it seemed challenging to enforce the rule-of-six and social distancing with children running around. However, his daughter later convinced him to adjust the age limit to 10, reasoning that year 6 students at school tend to behave better and are generally capable of sitting still and finishing their meals. “The biggest change is that our average spend has nearly doubled,” Boyd explains. The atmosphere is more relaxing, with no one squeezed behind a stroller, and people stay longer. They order more cheese, another bottle of wine, and explore the wine menu. “Parents never browse the wine menu.” Staff turnover has significantly decreased because it’s a less chaotic environment. Previously, bartenders would try to avoid working the day shift. Edie Denvir, 28, who has worked at the Alma for 18 months, speaks forgivingly about the masses of children at her previous workplace…