Sleep Divorce: Can sleeping in separate beds improve your relationship?

While sleeping apart on separate beds was considered bad for romantic relationships earlier, it has now become a growing trend among many couples. Commonly called “Sleep Divorce“, it refers to the idea of romantic partners sleeping in separate rooms for various reasons– be it better sleep quality or differing work schedules. As per ScientificAmerican.com, ‘Up to a third of couples in the U.S.are going through what social media is calling a “sleep divorce,” or opting for separate sleeping arrangements in search of a better night’s rest’. And this modern relationship trend is catching up with many couples in India too.
But can sleep divorce improve one’s relationship with their partner or adversely affect it in the long run? Answering this question, Radhika Mohta– a Matchmaker and Relationship Coach, told us, “The most important relationship we have is with ourselves, followed by the one with people in our inner circle, and then the world at large. A well rested mind and body is the first step to being more mindful. Talking of sleep divorce, romantic partners may choose to sleep in different rooms, owing to their work schedules, snoring issues, caregiving or other reasons. If that simplifies their lives and works well for them, it’s okay.”

Elaborating this idea, she further shared a few instances where sleep divorce was a common practice and it worked in favour of many people. Sharing those, Radhika said, “In the case of a Hyderabad-based couple, they rented out a 3 BHK so that one would be the master bedroom and the other two individual bedrooms. The husband being a pilot would often have late nights, early mornings and needed to set multiple alarms which could have affected her sleep schedule. So this worked well for them… In the case of a Gurgaon-based couple, the man has a remote job with a US-based company and needs to overlap his work hours with his US team. That means his sleep cycle is different than most of his family who lives with him. So he has a different bedroom cum home office… In the case of a Bengaluru-based couple, the new mom would like to have an uninterrupted seven-hour sleep at night to rest and avoid postpartum depression. She pumps her milk and hands over night duty to the new dad. He takes care of the infant until morning… And in the case of an Indore-based couple, the matriarch of the house is in her 80s and often needs someone to help her with the washroom and other essentials at night. One of her kids attends to her and that means this person is constantly on alert mode. Works out better to be in a different room.” These incidents show that having unusual sleeping arrangements, including sleep divorce, can be a good practice in relationships, provided it works for all the people involved in it.
After all, various studies proof that having a good night’s sleep has many benefits, like:
1. Improved cognitive function
Havin good quality sleep is important for optimal brain function. It can enhance one’s memory, concentration, problem-solving, and decision-making skills. The reason: when you sleep well, your brain gets enough rest and processes information more efficiently.
2. Better mood and emotional well-being
A good night’s sleep plays an important role in regulating one’s emotions and mood. Sleep deprivation can make one irritable, and give them mood swings, and increased stress.
3. Better health
Sleep is essential for overall recovery of a person’s physical and mental health. It supports better immune function, and imprves your overall well being. Many studies also suggest that adequate sleep can lower risk of chronic conditions like heart disease, diabetes, and obesity among people.
4. Better productivity and performance
A good sleep is closely associated with higher productivity and performance levels of a person.
5. Better quality of life
Overall, getting good sleep each night is linked to a better overall quality of life and even longevity.
Practising “sleep divorce” also shows the importance of personal space in relationships. Talking about this and the need of having personal space in one’s romantic relationship, Radhika said, “Personal space is important in a relationship. Life is like a pizza. Sleeping together is not the only slice. There are a whole bunch of shared responsibilities when running the household and building a life together. In a way, aligning your sleep schedules is more about lifestyle alignment. There’s a reason why medical professionals prefer to marry another medico. It’s more of a lifestyle than the degree – late night emergency calls, someone’s life at stake, phone constantly serving notifications and ‘Do Not Disturb’ exists only as a feature on phone, not in life.”
But all relationships are different and what works for one couple, might not work for the other. And so, are there any situations when “sleep divorce” is not adviced for some couples? Answering this question, Radhika cautioned, “Sleep divorce is not advised if physical touch is your love language and you cannot do without cuddles and kisses. If you find it lonely to go to bed and wake up alone, then don’t do this.”