Let’s be real: Thanksgiving is a fraught holiday. Sure, the contemporary concept (gathering with loved ones to eat and revel and express gratitude) is lovely in theory, but the deplorable history combined with the cornucopia of mental and emotional triggers can be difficult to digest. These elements also make Thanksgiving the ultimate opportunity to hone your mindfulness practice.
“Mindfulness is an evidence-based strategy recommended by many psychologists,” says psychiatrist and executive coach Dr. Anna Yusim. “Being mindful of thoughts, feelings and experiences are all skillful ways to ground yourself.” A simple definition of mindfulness comes courtesy of oft-referenced professor and author Jon Kabat-Zinn, who sums up the concept as the awareness that arises from paying attention on purpose, sans judgement. It’s an ancient concept with roots in Buddhism, and it’s pretty much the skeleton key to a more intentional life. This goes double during the holidays, which can sometimes feel like life, distilled and intensified. “Thanksgiving can be tough for many, but it is a finite time period that passes quickly,” says Yusim. “Consider it an opportunity to use your best coping skills.”
Working with and identifying all of your senses is a great way to start, as is feeling and honoring your emotions, even if they’re not always warm and fuzzy. “Practicing mindfulness during the holidays is incredibly helpful for managing stress and being more present in the moment,” says Alyssa Mancao, psychotherapist and wellness practitioner. Ultimately, the goal of gathering is to enjoy yourself and the company of those you care for—and mindfulness helps with that, too. “Mindfulness of positive emotions can enhance your experience of those emotions,” says Mancao. So, whether you’re feeling the love or loving the food, do your best to really let it in.
Here, five ways to practice mindfulness this Thanksgiving and beyond.
1. Try Savoring
For New York-based CBT psychologist Terri Bacow, Ph.D., “savoring” is a welcome addition to the day’s bids for gratitude. “If you are feeling happy, savor the moment,” says Bacow. She notes that the practice is made more accessible through grounding (going barefoot in nature), or noticing all of your surroundings and striving to enliven and engage your senses. Take time to identify colors, scents, sounds, and more. “Try to observe things in your environment that bring up positive feelings,” she says. Of course, this goes for your actual meal, too. To successfully savor your food, Mancao suggests “paying attention to how it tastes, the textures that you notice, and how your body is responding to the meal. Are you enjoying it? Do you want more? Do you need to wait before having another round of food and beverages?” And if your family is anything like mine, remember to chew your food, try to put your fork down between bites, and trust that no unseen force is going to physically remove your plate if you don’t eat quickly enough.
2. Do One Thing at a Time
You can incorporate mindfulness through the holidays by focusing your attention on a single task before mentally moving to the next. “During a season that calls a lot of our attention, from coordinating plans to cooking and bringing dishes, we create more stress for ourselves when we try to do too many things at once,” says Mancao. “Instead, practice doing one thing at a time and being fully present with each thing. Whether you are cooking, eating, or spending time with others, practice engaging your senses.”
3. Practice Active Listening
For more mindful interactions, start by stashing the screens in favor of good old-fashioned eye contact. “To stay present with loved ones, set aside distractions like smartphones and engage in meaningful conversations, actively listening and expressing gratitude for their presence,” says Yusim. (Gratitude can be expressed internally or externally depending on your comfortability, and theirs.) Try to engage your mindful nature to truly listen to your loved ones, noting tone, asking questions, and seeking to understand. That said, it’s also important to know your limits. “Prioritize your mental health by setting boundaries around anything you find particularly difficult,” advises Bacow. “You do not need to talk to certain relatives or engage in conversations about topics that do not interest you or that upset you.”
4. Feel Your Feelings
If you are experiencing a moment of stress or sadness, or simply reeling from a trying interaction, try to feel through it rather than stuffing it down. “Research shows that giving yourself permission to have a thought rather than trying to suppress it can be a remarkably effective coping strategy for anxiety—psychologists call this ‘cognitive diffusion,’” says Bacow. “Sometimes, the best way to deal with a difficult mood is to allow yourself to have it.” Internally label the emotions or thoughts you’re experiencing without judgement, and remind yourself that your feelings are valid, normal, and fine. Self-compassion is the name of this game.
5. Take a Walk
Burnout isn’t reserved for work alone—we can overextend ourselves socially, too, making mindful breaks a good idea. “Be aware of your social battery and tend to it as needed,” says Mancao. “Don’t be afraid to take breaks from the social gatherings to take a breather, go for a walk, and recharge before re-engaging with others.” Stepping outside provides additional opportunities for mindfulness: pay attention to your breath, the temperature, the smells that trail on the air, and the movement of the world around you. Even a few minutes of quiet connection with the natural world will allow you to reenter the fray in a clearer, more loving headspace.