As a lifelong fat person, I have spent years attempting to conform to society’s toxic beauty standards that dictate I should be thin, regardless of my actual health. I have followed doctor-approved diets and dedicated several hours a day to working out, but despite my efforts, I remain fat. My protruding belly, cellulite-filled thighs, double chin, and jiggling arms have left me feeling insecure about my appearance. From a young age, I received contradictory compliments and derogatory comments about my weight from family members, who would say things like, “You could be a plus-size model if you lost some weight.” These messages were reinforced by the media, such as the portrayal of “Fat Monica” on Friends transforming into a confident and attractive character after losing weight. Similarly, the character Schmidt on New Girl depicted sex between overweight individuals as unappealing and uncomfortable.
These experiences shaped my perception of myself and my body, which affected my first sexual encounter at the age of 23. I couldn’t help but question if anyone would find me desirable and if intimacy would be awkward or repulsive due to my size. In an attempt to conceal my body, I would wear specialized clothing, such as bodysuits and loose-fitting attire, during intimate moments. However, this became tiresome and led me to wonder if other fat women went to such lengths to hide their bodies. I yearned to see how other fat women approached sex.
Curiosity led me to search for BBW (big beautiful women) porn on a well-known website. To my pleasant surprise, I discovered videos featuring women whose bodies resembled mine engaging in passionate and satisfying sexual encounters. Their partners appreciated and enjoyed every inch of their bodies, including their bellies, thighs, and vaginas. Watching these videos awakened my own arousal and made me realize that I was attracted to women with bodies like mine. If I could find my own body attractive, why couldn’t someone else?
As I scrolled through the comments section, expecting derogatory and cruel remarks, I was taken aback. Most comments from men expressed admiration and desire for the performers’ bodies. This revelation shattered the false belief that society had instilled within me – that fat bodies couldn’t be sexually appealing. Watching BBW porn enabled me to rewrite the negative narrative in my head that had convinced me I wasn’t attractive.
Since then, I have turned to BBW porn whenever intrusive thoughts about my body arise, and it has greatly improved my mental health and self-confidence. Recently, before going on a first date, I felt nervous about how my body would be perceived. To ease my anxiety, I searched for BBW performers with features similar to mine. Seeing them embrace and proudly display their bodies provided a wave of relief. I realized that my FUPA (fat upper pubic area) didn’t detract from my sexiness.
Armed with newfound confidence, I allowed myself to be seen and explored. During intimate moments with my date, he expressed his enthusiasm for my body and encouraged me to reveal more of myself. The positive experience mirrored what I had witnessed in the BBW porn scenes, dispelling any lingering doubts or insecurities.
My confidence has extended beyond the bedroom. A few months ago, I participated in a clothing-optional bike ride, an event I had longed to join but feared due to body image concerns. However, I finally decided to shed society’s fat-shaming lies and embrace my body. As I rode alongside mostly thin riders, I removed my top and revealed my arms, breasts, and protruding belly. In that moment, I let go of the burden society had imposed on me. I now have the freedom to proudly show my body, both inside and outside the bedroom. I am rewriting my own story as a confident fat femme, and this is just the beginning.