If the very thought of giving a hand job immediately cues flashbacks to the earliest, most meet-me-under-the-bleachers-after-study-hall days of your sexual career, we get it. But hear us out on this one: hand stuff is among the most criminally underrated sex acts out there, and the art of the handy is one well worth perfecting, regardless of your age or sexual experience level. Whether you’ve literally never handled a dick in your life or it’s been a minute since you doled out your last handy to your high school BF, there’s a lot more to learning how to give a hand job—like, an actually good hand job—than you may think.
Which, hi, is why we’re here to spill all the dirty details and top-notch techniques you need to perfect your hand job game. And trust, these are skills worth mastering. Because while the classic hand job is often written off as merely one of the first bases toward penetrative sex, the days of goal-oriented, PIV intercourse as the end all be all of intimacy are sooo over. Not only are hand jobs a perfectly valid (and downright hot) standalone sex act in their own right, but they’re also super versatile, says sexologist Danielle Simpson-Baker, a member of The Pulse, The Honey Pot Company’s panel of expert advisors.
“Hand jobs can stand on their own as a great way to increase intimacy between partners, especially if it’s done with some edging, eye contact and a little dirty talk,” says Simpson-Baker, adding that hand stuff can preface or follow other sex acts, or even be incorporated into other forms of sexual play, including oral and even penetrative sex.
That’s why, according to sex therapist Kate Balestrieri, PsyD, founder of Modern Intimacy, manual stimulation (aka the more formal term for a handy), is such an important part of erotic play for folks of all ages and experience levels.
“Using your hands allows you to stimulate your partner’s penis with movements and sensations that penetration cannot replicate,” Dr. Balestrieri says. “They are totally different experiences.” Basically, hand stuff can be a super hot, super stimulating sexual experience for everyone involved. So if you’re game to get a little handsy, here are 36 of the best, expert-recommended hand job tips out there. But first, let’s make sure we’re all clear on what we’re talking about here. What is a hand job? If you’re brand new to hand stuff, don’t worry, it’s pretty much what it sounds like. “A hand job is basically using your hand to masturbate or otherwise sexually stimulate your partner’s penis, balls, and/or taint (aka the perineum),” says Simpson-Baker. “Hand jobs can be pretty great alone, but it’s not uncommon to have a hand job precede or even follow other sex acts.”
How do you give a hand job? As with any sex act or position, there are all kinds of ways one can go about doing hand stuff—which, ahem, we’re about to get into. But as for the basics, here’s how to give a hand job: “Move your hand down to your partner’s penis and allow your hand to explore, running it slowly over the head and the shaft and down to the balls,” says Simpson-Baker. “Take the shaft of their penis into your hand and start stroking, holding it firmly but not so much that your partner is in pain. Go slowly at first while gauging their feedback. Move your hand up to the head of their penis and massage it with your hand for a bit before moving back down to stroking the shaft.”
And there you have it! Now that we’ve got the basics down, let’s get into some more detailed tips on perfecting the fine art of the hand job, shall we?1. Make eye contact.
It doesn’t matter what type of sex you’re having—eye contact is like an all-encompassing sexual secret weapon. “Checking in with your partner through eye contact tells them you are connected with them [and] their pleasure,” explains Dr. Balestrieri. “[That] you’re attuned, invested.” We don’t mean have a staring competition with your playmate, but long, lingering glances and a few smoldering looks will go a long way during a HJ. Plus it’s très hot to look in the eye of the person you’re pleasuring (and vice versa). Try it!
2. Experiment with different stroking patterns.
Sure, a hand job is a hand job is a hand job. But there are various ways you can mix up your standard stroke. Here: a few expert-approved options, courtesy of certified sexologist Tyomi Morgan, founder of The Cowgirl Workout:
– The Glans Polish: Hold the shaft of the penis firmly in one hand and use the palm of the other hand to rub around the head of the penis as if you are giving it a polished shine with lube. Start slow and increase the speed of the motion.
– Two Hands Up Stroke: Use both hands to gently stroke the penis in an upward motion from the bottom of the shaft to the head, following one hand after the other.
– Palming: Place the head of the penis inside of the palm of the hand and wrap the palm around it to grab and stroke the head in an upward motion.
3. Try an arousal serum.
While the importance of lube can’t be overstated (pls see #12), one of the most fun—and multitasking—ways to elevate a hand job is with a stimulating oil or lube. Dr. Balestrieri highly suggests Trojan’s Arouses + Intensifies lube because it not only gives a pleasurable warming/tingling sensation (that reviewers say results in extremely “intense orgasms”), but it’s also condom safe! You need to use lube anyway, so you might as well use some that’ll result in firework-style climaxes, ya feel?
4. Massage their thighs.
Before just grabbing onto the shaft and going at it, Dr. Balestrieri suggests starting instead by massaging your partner’s inner thighs. This area is extremely sensitive, she explains, and by rubbing the thighs, you can “build a heightened anticipation for pleasure.” Try casuallyyyy sweeping over the penis until you hit the belly button, then start again at the inner thighs, working in broad circles. If your partner seems super receptive to the thigh touch, Dr. Balestrieri says to rub the area *while* stimulating the penis to add some extra sensation.
5. Or give them an all-over rubdown.
If you have the time or simply want to make things even more erotic, certified sexologist Sara Tang suggests viewing the hand job as more of a sensual massage experience by giving your partner a full rubdown. Grab some oil or lube and start by massaging your partner’s back, butt, and feet. This helps warm up and prepare the entire body, Tang explains. “As you glide over their skin, begin focusing more and more attention on the penis.”
6. Get turned on.
Yup, feeling sexually excited yourself will actually make your handies even better, says ASTROGLIDE resident sexologist Jess O’Reilly, PhD. “The more aroused you are, the more naturally everything will flow,” she explains. “Your enthusiasm will be palatable, so make sure the pleasure is just as much your own as your partner’s.”
7. Watch them masturbate.
Your partner probably knows some of their favorite ways to be touched, and an easy way to mimic that is by literally just watching them masturbate, says international sex educator and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Course Kenneth Play. If you’re both comfortable with it, a lil show and tell can go a long way.
8. And pay attention to their technique.
As your partner’s going at it, Taylor Sparks, an erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven, suggests making a mental note of the types of strokes they use and areas they focus on. “Do they stay more to the top around the head of the penis or full stroke top to bottom, or somewhere in the middle with shorter strokes? [Your partner] is your best teacher on how they love their penis stroked,” she explains. You don’t have to do the exact same thing, but you’ll def want to play off of what you see they already like.
9. Don’t overcomplicate it.
Yes, it’s obviously fun to explore and experiment with different motions and techniques, but there’s no pressure to think too far outside the box. “Remember, they’ve probably been doing this for a while, so no need to reinvent the wheel,” says Simpson-Baker. “Feel free to switch up your speed, intensity, pressure, and…