How Celebrities Should Publicly Apologize

rewrite this content and keep HTML tags The Art Of The Public ApologyExperts explain why apologizing can be so difficult — and how “canceled” celebrities could do it more effectively.By Marina Fang | Published Nov. 10, 2023This story is a part our weeklong series on cancel culture. Read the other stories here.If you spend any time online, you may recognize the tropes of a public apology — or frequently, a non-apology — issued by a celebrity, politician, CEO, or other public figure accused of or admitting to wrongdoing.It often comes in the form of a Notes app screenshot or a block of text in an Instagram story. And when it’s a bad apology, that very often becomes the story. The apology can be absurd to a comical degree, like chef Mario Batali issuing an attempted apology in response to accusations of serial sexual harassment in 2017 — and concluding it with a recipe for cinnamon rolls.Or more recently, after a HuffPost investigation this summer revealed that YouTuber Colleen Ballinger allegedly “groomed” several of her young fans for inappropriate relationships, she responded to the accusations — by posting a 10-minute song.“Even though my team has strongly advised me not to say what I want to say, I recently realized that they never said I couldn’t sing what I want to say,” she states in the video, while strumming a ukulele.Needless to say, her video, which denies the allegations and does not actually include an apology, did not go over well. It generated various parodies, as well as comments like: “Be so for real Colleen. Make a real apology and take accountability for your actions” and “YOU SHOULDVE LISTENED TO THE PR TEAM GIRL.”The bad apology often contains some of the following phrases: “I’m sorry if you were offended,” “as a father of daughters,” “I don’t have a racist bone in my body,” “this doesn’t reflect who I am,” “I did not intend to hurt anyone.”These appear so frequently that writers Marjorie Ingall and Susan McCarthy compiled many of them into bingo cards on their site, SorryWatch, where they analyze a variety of apologies in the news and in history — often bad ones, but occasionally good ones, too. Their fascination with apologies also grew into their recent book: “Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies.”In our age of powerful people decrying “cancel culture,” issuing a heartfelt and genuine apology often makes it far less likely that the person, brand or organization becomes “canceled,” as Ingall and McCarthy said in an interview. Case in point, one public figure’s apology that has stuck with them over the years is that of Wayne Hale, the launch integration manager of NASA’s space shuttle program in 2003, when the space shuttle Columbia exploded, killing all seven astronauts on board. Hale publicly apologized to NASA’s staff and took full and personal responsibility — and repeatedly.Jason Hutchinson via Associated PressDebris from the space shuttle Columbia streaks across the Texas sky, as seen from Dallas in February 2003.“It was months of taking responsibility and apologizing to people, without it feeling like that stupid, trudge-y apology tour that a lot of celebrities do. It was real,” Ingall said. “And I think it’s worth noting that he was still promoted after all of this happened. So people talk about, ‘Oh, you’re going to be canceled if you apologize,’ or: ‘Oh, it’s so risky to your career to apologize.’ A good apology does not have to torpedo your career, and, in fact, can help people see you in a new light and can help people think: ‘Wow, that is a person who’s a real grown-up.’” In figuring out how to respond to a scandal, public figures, companies and organizations routinely turn to public relations and crisis communications professionals. Several who spoke to HuffPost noted that the apology can depend on myriad factors, such as the person and the level of the offense. But still, there are common pitfalls and complications of apologies, and there’s a general consensus that a good apology can go a long way.“A lot of people are just bad at saying sorry. They don’t really say: ‘I’m sorry, period.’ There’s a lot of, like, ‘I’m sorry that bothered you.’ ‘I’m sorry you were offended.’ And I think a lot of the time when an organization or company is really struggling to come back, it’s because of that inability to just own it,” said Rida Bint Fozi, president of the TASC Group, a PR agency that represents many nonprofits and progressive advocacy organizations. “And there’s a lot of deflection in how they are approaching their response to situations. So I think our job is to counsel clients to take that ownership and just go with the ‘I am sorry, period.’ The public is smart, and your consumers are smart, your constituents are smart. It’s also that you should want them to hold you to that standard.” Publicist and crisis communications expert Ron Berkowitz sometimes encounters clients who fear that apologizing might make them look bad. “But for the most part, and depending on the situation, it does help you get from point A to point B,” said Berkowitz, the founder and CEO of Berk Communications. “It helps put the water under the bridge and move forward.”Berkowitz, whose firm often represents public figures in sports and entertainment, noted the added challenge of dealing with big egos. “A lot of times it’s hard, especially for a public figure or celebrity, an athlete, someone in the public eye, to admit that they’re wrong because there’s a lot of ego there,” he continued. “When you’ve done something wrong, you admit it and you put it on yourself and say you’ve made the mistake, it also brings that public person to a normal level that you and I can relate to.” Why apologies are hardCelebrity or not, apologies are hard. Issuing a good and genuine apology involves overcoming a lot of social conditioning. That’s a big part of what motivated Ingall and McCarthy to take a less critical and more instructive approach toward apologies in their book.When they started SorryWatch in 2012, their initial focus was on analyzing bad public apologies, often snarkily, Ingall explained.“But then, in 2016, when there was a certain political shift in our country, and the idea of apologizing … wasn’t just a choice [of] whether or not you apologize ― it was a sign of weakness,” she said.In addition, McCarthy noted that on an individual level, “whether you’re a celebrity or not, in apologizing, you put yourself in a vulnerable position. You come out there and you say: ‘I did this bad thing, said this stupid thing.’ You put yourself in a one-down position, and that just doesn’t feel good,” she said. “And we just sort of reflexively protect ourselves because it’s risky to put yourself in a one-down position. People may think poorly of you, they may say mean things to you. They may point and stare.”In our age of powerful people decrying “cancel culture,” issuing a heartfelt and genuine apology often makes it far less likely that the person, brand or organization becomes ‘canceled.’Similarly, several therapists pointed out that there are many social and cultural reasons that make apologies hard for us.“Just being able to admit when you’re in the wrong I think can be very difficult for people, especially if they grew up with a family or with relationships that never modeled that behavior,” said San Francisco-based therapist Miya Yung. “So it makes sense why it’s really difficult for them to know how to practice that on their own.”The factors that make it hard for people in general to apologize — shame, judgment, vulnerability, to name a few — become magnified when the person in question is in the public eye.“When we have a moment with a friend that we have harmed or have hurt, unknowingly or knowingly, it’s just really uncomfortable,” said Dr. Akua Boateng, a Philadelphia-based therapist. “It brings a lot of shame. It is difficult to be at the helm or feel responsible for the hurt of another human being.” In the case of a public figure, “We can amplify that by thousands, by hundreds of thousands,” she continued. “So now there are all of these peripheral hurts and offenses that can’t even be numbered, and it can be greatly, greatly difficult for a person that is influential in some way to be…

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