Parenting tips from a traditional British ‘Mary Poppins’ nanny

Norlanders, as they are known after graduating, usually prefer to be known publicly by only their first names to protect the identities of the children in their care, as well as their employers.

But while training, they’re noticeable to residents of Bath thanks to their formal, brown uniforms — which have been likened to what Mary Poppins wore — a dress and hat for women, a suit for men, and a gender neutral option of trousers or a dress with a tweed jacket.

Alice, a Norland nanny who was raised in Bath, used to see the uniformed students on the bus when she was in high school, but at the time had “no idea” who they were, she told CNBC by phone. Knowing that she wanted to work with children, Alice explored teaching via a school internship, but felt a less structured setting would better suit her.

“Babies are like adults who wake up in the night. Most of the time we go straight back to sleep. But sometimes, you just can’t get back to sleep. And that’s so frustrating for us as adults, let alone as babies [for whom] the only communication … is crying,” she said.

Alice described her role for a child having a tantrum as a “safe space.” “I’m on the floor around them … to give them some comfort while they’re going through it,” she said.

“With a child who has started to communicate verbally, they don’t want to listen to what you have to say, that’s not the right time to be talking about it,” she said. Instead, she suggested, speak to them afterward, when they’re in a better frame of mind.

If a child is doing something you don’t want them to do, consider “redirecting behaviors,” Alice said.

“If they are throwing a ball at the wall, and you really don’t want them to be marking the wall … [you can say], ‘why don’t we play a game of who can get this ball in the saucepan?'” she said.

“Redirecting the same behaviors instead of a constant ‘no, don’t do that,’ I have found in my experience, children will respond much better to,” Alice said.

Making sure you respond to children regardless of their behavior is also important.

If you’re cooking dinner and a child wants to play, “You can say, ‘give me five minutes and let’s throw the ball in the saucepan.’ … That might not necessarily work the first time, but they will know that you will always come back to them,” Alice said.

“If you’re not giving them the attention elsewhere, but you are giving it when you don’t like them doing something, they’re going to really focus on those behaviors,” she added.

If you have a child who refuses to get dressed, let them choose their outfits.

“That gives them the feeling of control,” Alice said. “But really, you’re you’re saying [these are] the warm weather outfits that you can wear, so you’re keeping them safe, while so allowing them to be in control,” she added.

If a child’s behavior is dangerous or harmful, such as if a toddler attempts to bite another child, try to understand that this comes from “frustration, or it’s curiosity,” Alice said. Ask “How do you think that made this other child feel when you bit him?”

“They don’t necessarily have the words to say how that made them feel. But then you say … I think that probably made him really sad, that probably really hurt him, I don’t think you would like it,” she said.

Also suggest that if they feel like biting again, say, “Maybe let’s get an apple that you can bite into or a pillow or a block.”

“I don’t really like to label a child as ‘naughty’,” Alice said, and she doesn’t use the “naughty step” as a punishment for little children or send an older child to their room.

“If they are in that moment where they just cannot regulate their emotions, you say, right, I understand you’re upset. I’m going to do something else. When you’ve had time to calm yourself down … we can talk,” she said.

Other tips include being consistent and as good as your word.

Time on devices such as iPads can be negotiated by setting limits or allowing only educational games, Alice said.

To limit screen time, say “Sorry, we can’t do that today. Let me plan some time for tomorrow,” Alice suggested, or “Why don’t you play that game for five minutes and then we will turn it off.”

Settling a child into school is often done gradually, with shorter days to start with. Reassure them that they will make friends there, and try to have playdates with classmates before school starts, Alice said.

“Maybe find out what they’re doing on the first day, so you can say [for example]: ‘Let me know how the painting goes when I pick you up. I can’t wait to hear about this.'”

Alice also said to do something fun after their first day or week at school, like going to a favorite playground or to a movie they’d like to see.

Alice acknowledged that being a nanny is different from being a working parent. “You have much more patience because it’s your job,” she said of her role.