From ‘Orange Peel Theory‘ where people ask their partner to peel an orange for them and check if they are kind towards them to ‘Small Portion Theory‘ wherein a person takes less amount of food as compared to her partner and to check if they care about them, social media is flooded with many such strange relationship tests. And now, a new way of testing if one’s relationship will last with their partner, called the ‘Bird Test‘, is doing rounds on social media.Read on to know more about it.
What is the viral ‘Bird Test’?
According to the ‘Bird Test’, which has gone viral on socila media especially TikTok, people say something insignificant like ‘Hey look, that’s a beautiful bird’ to their partner and then notice the latter’s reaction. If their partner pauses and pays heed to whatever the person has said and responds in a positive way, it indicates that their relationship would last for a long time. The idea being that the partner appreciates and supports the viewpoint of the other person. This also gives them an opportunity to bond.
However, if the partner ignores or reacts in a dismissive way– then that’s not a sign of a healthy relationship. It shows that the partner doesn’t want to talk or connect with the other person.
But there’s a catch to this: The ‘Bird Test’ should not be done at a time when one knows that their partner is busy or occupied with something else. Also, one should not jump to conclusions being dismissed or ignored by their partner in the first incident itself. Instead, they should try this test over a period of time on their partner and find a pattern to their response. If it is consistently negative, then it might be an issue in their relationship and they should talk to their partner about it.
The psychology behind ‘Bird Test’
Commonly called the ‘Bird Test’, this concept was a topic of research for psychologist John Gottman (of The Gottman Institute) and his colleague Robert Levenson at the University of Washington. During their six-year-long research, Gottman and Levenson studied how different couples– those who are happy and those who broke-up or are unhappily together– respond to each other on a daily basis. And through this, Gottman concluded that maybe the secret to a successful relationship is how a couple responds and connects with each other on a routine basis.
“Maybe it’s not the depth of intimacy in conversations that matters. Maybe it doesn’t even matter whether couples agree or disagree. Maybe the important thing is how these people pay attention to each other, no matter what they’re talking about or doing,” Gottman wrote in his book ‘The Relationship Cure’.
A statement on Gottman.com reads, “This research led Gottman to develop one of the core tenets of his philosophy for building successful relationships: healthy couples constantly make and accept bids to connect.” For the unversed, bids are ways in which people try to connect emotionally with their partner.
“When our partner denies our bids, we internalize the experience. Our brains subconsciously keep track of how many bids are accepted or rejected by our partners. When our partner constantly turns away or against our bids, we begin to feel frustrated. We are more inclined to criticize our partners, which pushes them to be defensive and may result in an argument… The lesson here is to make many small bids every day. Pay attention and turn towards your partner’s bids. Listen for their sighs and look out for their winks. Make eye contact when they ask you a question. Engage with them when they point something out,” reads another statement on Gottman.com.
Moreover, it is noted that the ‘Bird Test’ is not only valid for couples but can also be applied to one’s relationship with their friends and family. It can help one figure out people who genuinely like you and want to be with you from the superficial ones.
What is the viral ‘Bird Test’?
According to the ‘Bird Test’, which has gone viral on socila media especially TikTok, people say something insignificant like ‘Hey look, that’s a beautiful bird’ to their partner and then notice the latter’s reaction. If their partner pauses and pays heed to whatever the person has said and responds in a positive way, it indicates that their relationship would last for a long time. The idea being that the partner appreciates and supports the viewpoint of the other person. This also gives them an opportunity to bond.
However, if the partner ignores or reacts in a dismissive way– then that’s not a sign of a healthy relationship. It shows that the partner doesn’t want to talk or connect with the other person.
But there’s a catch to this: The ‘Bird Test’ should not be done at a time when one knows that their partner is busy or occupied with something else. Also, one should not jump to conclusions being dismissed or ignored by their partner in the first incident itself. Instead, they should try this test over a period of time on their partner and find a pattern to their response. If it is consistently negative, then it might be an issue in their relationship and they should talk to their partner about it.
The psychology behind ‘Bird Test’
Commonly called the ‘Bird Test’, this concept was a topic of research for psychologist John Gottman (of The Gottman Institute) and his colleague Robert Levenson at the University of Washington. During their six-year-long research, Gottman and Levenson studied how different couples– those who are happy and those who broke-up or are unhappily together– respond to each other on a daily basis. And through this, Gottman concluded that maybe the secret to a successful relationship is how a couple responds and connects with each other on a routine basis.
“Maybe it’s not the depth of intimacy in conversations that matters. Maybe it doesn’t even matter whether couples agree or disagree. Maybe the important thing is how these people pay attention to each other, no matter what they’re talking about or doing,” Gottman wrote in his book ‘The Relationship Cure’.
A statement on Gottman.com reads, “This research led Gottman to develop one of the core tenets of his philosophy for building successful relationships: healthy couples constantly make and accept bids to connect.” For the unversed, bids are ways in which people try to connect emotionally with their partner.
“When our partner denies our bids, we internalize the experience. Our brains subconsciously keep track of how many bids are accepted or rejected by our partners. When our partner constantly turns away or against our bids, we begin to feel frustrated. We are more inclined to criticize our partners, which pushes them to be defensive and may result in an argument… The lesson here is to make many small bids every day. Pay attention and turn towards your partner’s bids. Listen for their sighs and look out for their winks. Make eye contact when they ask you a question. Engage with them when they point something out,” reads another statement on Gottman.com.
Moreover, it is noted that the ‘Bird Test’ is not only valid for couples but can also be applied to one’s relationship with their friends and family. It can help one figure out people who genuinely like you and want to be with you from the superficial ones.
Find lasting peace and what disturbs the human mind and soul: Shri Krishna explains in Bhagavad Gita, Chapter 2, Verse 71
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