The deadline to RSVP to my best friend Molly’s wedding was quickly approaching. I was definitely going, but the blank line for my plus-one’s name was still uncertain. This was because my relationship with Daren was only a few days old. Daren and I had been exclusively dating for less than a month when he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. I had already mentioned to him that I had a plus-one option for Molly’s wedding, and he expressed interest in attending if I felt comfortable. However, the wedding was only a month away, and we had technically only been dating for two months. I wondered if it was too soon to bring him and if he should meet my best friend’s parents before meeting my own.
I was torn between wanting Daren by my side to dance with, keep me company, and meet my friends, and the fear of rushing into something too quickly. Unfortunately, there is no universal answer for the perfect timeline between a situationship and a wedding date. There are many factors to consider, such as the seriousness of the relationship, the connection between the couple and the bride and groom, and the potential plus-one themselves. This assumes that you have a plus-one option, as indicated by the invitation. If you don’t, it is best not to ask the couple. Jules Hirst, founder of Etiquette Consulting, explains that the couple may have constraints on venue size and cost per person that influenced their decision not to grant a plus-one. It would put the couple in an awkward position of either paying more for the guest or not inviting someone they actually wanted to have at the wedding.
Lucy Marks* faced a similar situation when planning her wedding. One of her husband’s groomsmen begged for a plus-one to bring his girlfriend of six months, despite their strict plus-one policy of only married or serious couples of at least a year. Lucy eventually caved in, but the girlfriend declined the invite because the wedding fell on her birthday. Their relationship ended before the wedding took place. Dustin Star, CEO of The Groom Club, also shares a story of his friend asking for a plus-one when he was single. Despite rearranging and re-planning, the friend ended up attending the wedding solo, putting a strain on their friendship.
If you do have a plus-one option, you can technically bring anyone you want, regardless of the duration of your relationship. The most important factors are the dynamics of your relationship and whether or not they are someone you are proud to have as your date and can have fun with. Bringing someone you are newly dating can help clarify where you stand, especially if you see long-term potential with them. Remi Jones attended a friend’s wedding with someone she was casually seeing long-distance for four months. Despite the early stages of their relationship, attending the wedding together felt like a natural progression. They later got engaged three years later. On the other hand, Sam Russell was invited to a wedding by Johnny when they had only been dating for a month. However, Johnny ended up becoming visibly uncomfortable and sobbing at the reception. They broke up seven months later.
In conclusion, the length of time you have been dating matters less than the nature of your relationship when it comes to attending a wedding together. A wedding provides an opportunity to see a different side of your plus-one. In my case, Daren and I were already discussing holiday plans and meeting each other’s families. With each passing day, I became more convinced that our connection was genuine. However, I still wanted Molly’s approval, so I asked for it while strategically omitting the fact that we had only been dating for a month. Thankfully, she didn’t ask for details and enthusiastically gave her blessing. I no longer felt guilty about my omission as Daren behaved like a gentleman throughout the night, and everyone, including Molly and her parents, loved him. Eventually, I confessed my strategic omission to Molly, and she was not angry or deceived. She knew that we loved each other and believed he was the one for me. Three years later, Daren and I got married. When planning my own guest list, I learned that the length of my friends’ relationships with their plus-ones didn’t matter; we just wanted everyone to feel comfortable and have fun. Looking back, I wish I had known that the only thing that needed to feel “right” was our connection, which was there from the start.