Check on your Swiftie friends because they are definitely not okay right now (or for the foreseeable future for that matter). We’re mere hours into the release of Taylor Swift’s 11th original studio album release with the official drop of The Tortured Poets Department now upon and the wild updates are flowing in back to back. Matty Healy is the main character, to everyone’s surprise, Post Malone’s Fort Nite leads the charge as the first single with a music video to follow, and Joe Alwyn is hopefully cuddling with an emotional support animal somewhere quiet in the United Kingdom right about now.
From the reminiscing on “So Long London” to the emotional turmoil of “But Daddy I Love Him” to the long-awaited appearance of the mistress “Clara Bow,” fans are feasting on Taylor’s angsty break-up lyrics yet again. The 27th track from the deluxe Anthology release, “Cassandra” is yet another mysterious musing based on something and more importantly someone in Taylor’s life and fans are scrambling to figure out who, what, when, where and why because duh. So who is “Cassandra” about and what the hell did she do? Let’s discuss alllll the theories.
Who Is “Cassandra”
Cassandra first and foremost seems to be a reference to the mythological Greek character referred to as “the ravishing Cassandra” (I’d personally be fine if anyone wanted to add “ravishing” as a title in front of my name, too, BTW). Cassandra was the daughter of the king and queen of Troy, who was known for entangling men (sounds about right). Princess Cassie was eventually cursed by Apollo for attempting to warn her neighborhood friendly Trojan men about the horse trying to sneak in the haters and take down the city. Obvi, as the story goes, they didn’t believe her. In the end, Cassandra and her lover (who was actually holding Cassandra hostage) were killed by his wife and his wife’s own lover. Oh, the tangled webs the Greeks weaved.
Who is “Cassandra,” really?
At first, it seemed like Cassandra might be another code name for Taylor’s legendary feud with the biggest reality star in the game, Kim Kardashian. This would be the second song on the album referring to Kim K, alongside “thanK you aIMee.” But fans are speculating that the Cassandra in question may actually be Taylor herself when she tried to tell the truth about “Snakegate” (what a time) but nobody believed her. Which if I’m doing the math correctly, would actually make Kim K… the horse? *Pausing for laughter*. The angry mob inside said horse could either be Kanye West, Taylor’s haters, or both. But don’t think the rest of the Kardashian-Jenner family escaped the flames. The lyrics “They knew the whole time / That I was onto something / The family, the pure greed, the Christian chorus line / They all said nothing / Blood’s thick but nothing like a payroll / Bet they never spared a prayer for my soul” pretty much cements that Taylor is holding the entire Kardashian industrial complex responsible for hanging her out to dry. TLDR: Greedy family = Kris’ crew, Christian chorus line = Mr. Sunday Service himself, Kanye West.
Other Theories
It’s not always about Kim K, okay? After giving it a good few listens, fans also caught the musical similarity to a previous Taylor jam “Mad Woman” which was understood to be a takedown of Scooter Braun, Taylor’s mortal enemy. So maybe Taylor saved room for little Scooter shade in select lyrics amid the Snakegate reckoning, too.